Love knows no bounds

June 30, 2008 at 6:58 am (pop culture) (, , )

Congratulations to Chris Kattan and Sunshine Tutt, who got married on Saturday in Yosemite Valley!

That’s right, Chris Kattan married a model.  They are happy.  Read about it here, and then check into the “about Chris” page, where you can find out random facts about Chris Kattan like:

  • he started shaving in his teens
  • his father, Kip King, was an original Groundling and the voice for Tailor Smurf
  • his favorite Looney Toon is Daffy Duck

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Because maybe Jay-Z’s gonna be the one who saves me…..

June 29, 2008 at 7:29 am (pop culture) (, , , , )

So Jay-Z performed at the Glastonbury Festival in London over the weekend, and the hand-cranked stodgy British Internet was abuzz with blaming Jay-Z for slow ticket sales at the traditionally rock-infested festival.  Noel Gallagher from Oasis reanimated himself and his unibrow to chime in that having Jay-Z there was “wrong”, and that a band like Radiohead would have been better. So what did Jay-Z do?

He opened his set with Wonderwall.

So badass.  It turns out that the festival did completely sell out and had a much younger audience for the first time in years.  The stodgy and dorky organizer of the festival released a statement after Jay-Z’s mind-blowing set saying “That was a real triumph to bring hip-hop from the streets of New York to Glastonbury”.  He then opened his umbrella, put on his monocle, and ate blood pudding as he flew off into the British sunset.

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Disturb the comfortable, comfort the disturbed.

June 28, 2008 at 5:25 pm (my life, tales from the therapist's chair, Uncategorized) (, , )

I’m delving out bits of pieces of larger things I’m writing, so if some of these seem a bit truncated, that’s why.  I’m just trying to feel some of these things out, so thanks for reading…                    -Gynomite

I arrived at the interview and was immediately nonplussed: the neighborhood was terrible. It was only 9am, and already the streets were lined with young idle men, in various states of dress, eyeing each car that went by, laughing with each other, and leaning against businesses with names like “Taco/Gyro/Chinese House”. I was buzzed into the building and greeted by a large, shabby lobby stuffed with people. It was as if someone had dipped a grand hotel from the 40s in a vat of vanilla icing. The entire interior was dingy yellow and somehow sticky. I was directed to the library, which was bookless, where I filled out my application. Startled by a hacking cough, I looked up to see a shrunken older woman in front of me, with stringy gray hair, bulging eyes, and a huge grin on her face. She had a plastic cup tucked into her bra and peeking out of her shirt. “Hi mommy!” she squealed in a high-pitched voice. “Do you work here? You’re very pretty! Do you have any change for me? Like ten cents? Today’s my birthday, when’s your birthday?” She reached her hands towards the platinum blonde streak in my hair and I ducked away from her tobacco stained hands, my eyes guiltily shooting to the doorway, where I expected to see my future boss standing there with a clipboard, evaluating my interactions with this woman. “What’s your name?” I asked, and she replied Luann. I asked her if she could let me finish the work I was doing, and she said sure, but remained standing there, staring at me silently, grinning.

And I still took the job.

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Truly truly truly outrageous

June 28, 2008 at 12:20 pm (pop culture) (, , , , , , )

Of the song titles listed below, which are Jem and the Holograms, and which are Miley Cyrus?

  • Girl’s Night Out
  • Rockin’ Down Through Time
  • The Other Side of Me
  • Aztec Enchantment
  • Pumpin Up the Party
  • Who is He Kissing?
  • Part of Your World
  • Everybody Wears a Mask
  • Make Some Noise
  • Glitter n’ Gold
  • True Friend

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Cranky open letters

June 28, 2008 at 11:59 am (my life, Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

Dear people,

You don’t have to say “I think that’s great, I love when couples do that” when you realize that I am engaged and yet ringless. I know it’s great. You don’t need to gloss over the fact that you just asked to see the rock on my finger. It’s cool. I understand how these things usually work.

Poor and in love,

Gynomite

Dear women,

The pill does not make you crazy. It’s like when people do stupid/violent/slutty things when they get drunk and then blame it on the alcohol. These substances do not change your personality, they just give you permission to behave how you want to behave.  If you’re moody, own it.

Hormonally yours,

Gynomite

Dear gay men,

Thanks to you and your cameras, I cannot find the original “no wire hangers…… EVER!” scene from Mommie Dearest on You Tube.  I mean really, how many versions of this scene can you watch with a spindly gay man as Joan Crawford and a hefty eager-to-please girl as Christina?  Can you stop?  Please?

You put a $300 dress on a wire hanger?

Gynomite

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A hodgepodge of cuteness, because it’s the weekend and I saw Wall-E last night and it was utterly charming

June 28, 2008 at 6:26 am (cuteness, pop culture) (, , , , )

First, this website, Worth 1000, has an awesome contest to make R-rated movie posters into G-rated movie posters.  My favorite:

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Videos of my life

June 27, 2008 at 8:44 am (my life, videos of my life) (, , )

I have nothing especially witty or interesting to say about these two videos, except to say that these were two of my favorite songs, and that both of these videos became blueprints in my brain for the kinds of places I wanted to hang out, and the kinds of hair I wanted EVERYONE to have.

I present Information Society’s Pure Energy

And Madonna’s Get Into the Groove

I’m still looking for people who play air violin in clubs.

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Dinosaurs, kitty cat syndromes, and popwrecks.

June 27, 2008 at 8:38 am (cool things i've found, cuteness, pop culture) (, , , , , , )

These are things I’ve learned about recently, so I thought I’d kick some knowledge in your direction.   Drink deep everybody.  It’s Friday.

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Pride.

June 26, 2008 at 12:39 pm (my life, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , )

This week is PRIDE week in NYC, and I was complaining about my lack of involvement in gay culture here when a friend of mine was like “Well, you are straight!”.     “Yeah, I know, but….”

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Ask Gynomite!

June 26, 2008 at 9:29 am (ask gynomite, Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

Here’s a topic for you…why in the hell do guys call you back the day after that first date and tell you what a great time they had, let’s do it again real soon, blah, blah, blah and then vanish!?!?!? I mean really where do they go that quickly??? I can’t be finding all the bi-polar guys who change their moods that quickly!! Why do they bother calling back at all, just a little power trip?? And why hasn’t anyone developed a dating evaluation?? Just a little Likert scale that you hand out at the end of the night. What can I improve so I can actually get a second date, what went well, etc??

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