Monster in Montauk?!?!

July 31, 2008 at 6:19 am (pop culture) (, , , )

Montauk, a town heavily featured in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and the town where Kumail proposed to me, apparently has a dead monster on its hands. Picture after the jump, and get ready, it’s a bit intense….

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R.I.P. Rififi

July 31, 2008 at 6:01 am (Comedy, my life) (, , , )

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Cuteness, because I’m feeling icky today

July 30, 2008 at 8:48 am (cuteness) (, , )

Awwwwwwww…..  Just the sheer color saturation + kitty cat smiling is enough to = total submission

Thanks Cute Overload!!  I feel much better now!

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Twelve Word Reviews of Stand-up Comedy

July 30, 2008 at 8:42 am (Comedy) (, , , , , , , )

The final Sweet of the summer!  Read all about it!

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Hey! Look who I’m not!

July 30, 2008 at 6:45 am (pop culture) (, , , )

Gyromite!!!!!

Gyromite was one of two games put out by Nintendo in 1985 to go with its fun new accessory, the Robot Operating Buddy, or R.O.B.

Man, this thing was a dismal failure.  The R.O.B. functions by receiving commands via optical flashes from a TV screen. With the head pointed always at the screen, the arms move left, right, up, and down, and the hands pinch together and separate to manipulate objects on fixtures attached to the base. It basically recreates what it would be like if you played video games with a slow infant.  In Gyromite, one of R.O.B.’s base attachments holds and pushes buttons on a Nintendo controller.

Nintendo wanted R.O.B. to innovate the collapsing video game market.  It didn’t work so well.  This would be followed up by the ill-fated Power Glove.

I wish someone would design a video game called Gynomite…

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As black as midnight on a moonless night….

July 29, 2008 at 11:12 am (pop culture) (, , , , )

For those of you that are Twin Peaks fans out there, you will probably shit your proverbial pants when you see this:

David Lynch coffee?!?!?!  The top says “It’s all in the beans….and I’m just full of beans”

You can buy it here, and if you are the geniuses at Serious Eats, you can pair it with a video of Cooper’s best coffee-drinking moments from Twin Peaks.

Brilliant.

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Tyra Banks may be crying right now

July 29, 2008 at 10:29 am (pop culture) (, , , , , )

It is perfectly okay if you don’t know who Aubrey O’Day is.  I feel like she’s the kind of name you only know if you read websites devoted to making fun of the most pitiful celebrities. To give you some perspective, she’s so weirdly off-putting that I thought she was a British “glamour model”.  Those girls are always hot messes. She looks like a average looking, not so bright girl that they tried to make edgy and sexy, but she just keeps messing it up by wiping off her dark smoldering eye makeup and trying to eat Cheetos.  But I digress.

Aubrey O’Day is a member of the Puff Daddy-crafted group Danity Kane, which was crafted on Making the Band 3.  Apparently, when Aubrey was six, she was at a performance of The Nutcracker and started to cry. Her mom asked her during intermission what was wrong. O’Day believes that is when she “officially realized she loved entertainment.”

So, yeah. That epiphany happened.

She has generally used her success to show the world her dead eyes and her side boobs.  I hope mom is proud.  Now she has made a clothing line, which is deliciously bad on a few levels.  Let’s take a look:

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Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

July 29, 2008 at 7:19 am (pop culture) ()

Where am I going to get the disgustingly unhealthy Monte Cristo sandwich and Ultimate Baked Potato Soup??

All Bennigans restaurants are closed as of today.

I’ve been all over the Bennigan’s website today, and not only does it seem to be imploding slowly (it took me 5 minutes to get the menu to come up), but it offers no hint of a reason for the untimely demise of Bennigan’s, and doesn’t even acknowledge it.  You can still apply for jobs there though.

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Jerk Awards

July 28, 2008 at 9:00 pm (pop culture) (, , , , )

Today we have three deserving Jerk Awards to hand out.

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Three Embarrasing Moments in the Life of a Movie Fan

July 28, 2008 at 1:08 pm (my life) (, , , )

Moment 1
I’m sleeping over at my cousin/best friend Krystal’s house.  We’re both probably about 9 or 10.  We are allowed to go and rent a movie, and I ran over to my cousin’s mom (also my cousin) with Loverboy in my hand, the classic Patrick Dempsey gigolo movie.  She looked dubious but rented it anyway, and we watched it.  God help us, we did.  The mom was growing increasingly alarmed by all the innuendo, and when it got to the scene where Patrick Dempsey has sex with the Asian lady in some weirdo pseudo-tantric way, she walked over, turned off the TV, and just glared at me.  It would be years before I could finish the film, and even now, when it comes on TV, I blush at that sex scene.

Moment 2
I’m having a co-ed party, my first ever.  It’s 5th grade, and all boys and girls from my AG class are over, and we’re having a blast.  Eating, playing ping-pong, wearing costumes (it was a very unofficial Halloween party).  I got to rent a horror movie for the evening, and what did I rent?  Flowers in the motherfucking Attic!  It looked cool and creepy to me, but my friends and I watched with growing dread as the kids were neglected and mistreated, and the older brother and sister eventually fell in love, consummating their relationship at the end.  The confusion in the room that night was palpable, as everyone started thinking about their own siblings, and got grossed out and uncomfortable.  I threw one hell of a party.

Moment 3
Sleepover at…I want to say Kristin’s house, 4th grade.  The group of girls I hung out with were all in my AG class, and we called ourselves the Sensational Six.  We were pretty sensational.  We had matching sweatshirts.  We were, again, allowed to rent a movie, but by this time everyone should have known that I should not have gotten a sayso in this matter.  I persuaded everyone to rent Eddie Murphy Delirious, for god’s sake.  We watched it, not getting half the jokes, but laughing our asses off, and doing what probably amounted to super racist impressions of Eddie Murphy the rest of the night.  Ok, so this sounds ok, right?  Nope.  The next morning Kristin’s mother saw what we had rented and was not pleased.  She told every single one of our parents what we had rented, and we all got in trouble.

The moral of the story is to please not let me pick out movies in social situations.  I will inevitably make it real awkward for everyone.

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