Watch this clip of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and feel yourself cringe when Matt Lauer tells us to watch carefully for a “special musical surprise”. Also, couldn’t you lipsynch any better, Rick?
I am friends with a fair amount of wait staff, and I’m always a little fascinated by their tales and embarrassed at the fact that I have never waited tables in my life. Never. I feel like I had two paths as a teenager looking for work, and I took the telemarketer path. A path with its own perks and drawbacks. A path shittily traveled. But I took it. I’ve always had the impression that I’d be really really bad at waiting tables, and recently, I remembered why:
At 3am the other night, we noticed that there was a Crow movie on the SciFi network that was filmed in 2005. Just three years ago! Apparently they just keep making them unchecked, away from prying eyes. The last one I heard about was the one that Courtney Love did the soundtrack for, and I think that was the fifth one. Horrifying. So we decided to tune in.
Well, wonder no more. I’ll take:
Fundies, the underwear for two! (only $9.99)
And Gold Pills, the pills you take solely for the purpose of flecking your poop with gold! (only $429)
Note: just kidding.
Axl Rose, in a tantrum that could only be described as “80s like”, has decided to sue Dr. Pepper.
Were you just surprised to find out that Dr. Pepper is still being manufactured? Me too. Both Axl and the Dr. Pepper share the uncomfortable feeling of being things people in their late 20s/early 30s used to care a lot about.
Hipster Girl to Hipster Guy with ridiculous handlebar mustache: Hey Donny, how’s it going?
Hipster Guy: [stares at her quizzically]
Hipster Girl: Oh, you’re not Donny!
Hipster Guy: Nooooo, I’m not.
Hipster Girl: [after a pause] You know, I think it’s the handlebar mustache.
Hipster Guy: Probably. [turns away, ashamed]
For those of you, like myself, who absolutely adored Ace Ventura when you were growing up, I have some bad news. The movie that brought us scenes like this…
(I still can’t watch him slam his face into that bench cushion without giggling)
….has brought us some fresh hell.
A few weeks ago, there was some buzz about this new book that photographer Timothy White was releasing called “Hollywood Pinups” that featured some huge celebs as 50s pinups. For charity. I got super excited when I heard about it, because I love love love pinup photo shoots. But then I saw some of the shots, thanks to Yeeeah. And now I’m confused. (NSFWishness after jump)
Gynomite, why do girls lead me on if they just want to be friends with me? I feel like any time I meet a girl and start hanging out with her, everything’s going cool, she’s sending out all the right signals, and then when I ask her out, she tells me that we’re just friends. What am I doing to turn them off? Why are they leading me on?
Well hello there! It’s been a little while since I got an Ask Gynomite, and I missed them. I especially enjoy this question, because it’s an issue that I’ve seen a lot, as I am often “the girl with the guy friends”. This whole thing is a difficult situation for both genders. I hate to go all Harry Met Sally on you, but it can be difficult for single people of the opposite gender to start platonic friendships with each other. It at least takes a few awkward conversations.
And now, a few samplings from Shaq’s Twitter. I don’t Twitter, but because of this, I might have to start.
- Does anyone have the names of the 14 people bush gave pardons
- Detective oneal does not jordan vander sloots story about what happened to natalee
- Im wearing a jacket dat says 1946, a lady asked me wat it means, i replied, mam its the yr i was born. Lol
- “Some leaders r born, most are made. If u wanna b sucessful, act like a leader” Shaquille o’neal
- Just helped a man push his car, schwww im tired
- I JUST MET KIMBO SLICE, DATS A MEAN DUDE
- THOSE R NOT TYPOS, JUST SAVN MONEY, MORE U TYPE MORE U PAY, LOL
- Cant sleep, the lakers embarrassed us, im pissed