Things I was afraid of as a child:
- The floor of the skating rink in my hometown. It was a fake marble/stone floor that was highly reflective, giving me the impression that I was roller skating on glass, and that if I fell, I would fall through the floor and into the abyss.
- Big dogs. When I was very young, a perfectly normal-sized dog I was trying to kiss on the head bit my lip, so I started fearing dogs that could tower over me.
- ET. My parents took my sister and I to the movie several times, thinking we both loved it, but he terrified us both, apparently. At night he would come to my window, and in his creaky death voice, demand I go see his movie again. We even had the soundtrack on vinyl, and my sister got a ET birthday party.
Things I’m afraid of now:
- Falling down stairs. Basically since I moved to Chicago, where the stairs to the trains seem to stretch on to infinity. The Natasha Richardson thing didn’t help matters.
- Hospitals. Two years ago I went to the doctor after being sick for a few weeks, and ended up being rushed to the hospital from the doctor’s office in an ambulance and staying there for about a month. I still have nightmares about my time there, and feel panicky when I smell certain hospitaly smells. Even though being there saved my life and I’m fine now, every time I go to the doctor I still fear that they are going to tell me that I have to go back.
- ET. Some things don’t change.
I’m happy the list has stayed about even, and that all of my fears are random physical things, rather than big momma things like “death”, or “not being actualized”, “having someone really see me”, etc. As far as fears go, give me a creepy 80s toy over a highbrow concept any day.
Have you ever wondered “where can I find a book about a popular sport written by an actress from the 80s?”, well friend, have I got the answer for you!!
1. Go to ITunes Store.
2. Download “Pee Wee’s Breakfast Theme” by Danny Elfman.
(Go to 1:10 mark)
3. Put it on your IPod.
4. Go to Manhattan and walk around while listening to the song over and over.
It will make your day. I promise. No song suits NYC better than this one.
In regards to the 1994 film The Air Up There…
Wikipedia says “It has been widely derided as being profoundly racially insensitive.”
1. Pam Anderson showing up somewhere looking gorgeous and not all used up.
2. Victoria Beckham in loose-fitting jeans and flip flops.
3. MTV playing music videos again.
On Monday the network starts “AMTV,” a six-hour block for music and advertising experimentation. From 3 to 9 a.m. Monday through Thursday, it will show music videos, news, interviews and performances, harking back to the network’s origins as a 24-hour home for music videos.
All we need now is for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes to admit their marriage is a sham, or for Madonna to reveal her true cyborg form, or Paris Hilton shunning life in the spotlight to study birds in Africa, or for Lindsay Lohan to actually act in a movie. Then the pop culture hell would rain down on all of us. Because we are all sinners, every last one of us.
Please tell me you know about Marc Morrone.
I don’t know which city/state I was living in when I found him on TV one Saturday morning, but I adored him. He is the dorkiest pet show host in existence. He apparently got his first parrot at the age of 4, and by the age of 18, his pet collection outgrew his parents house, so he opened a petstore called “Parrots of the World”. This led to his being asked to be on a local news show advising people about pets, which led to his own tv show! The gimmick of The Pet Shop with Marc Moronne is that he answers pet owners’ phone calls while wrangling at least 20 of his own pets, which are all piled onto a table in front of him. He apparently claims he piles them all on there because it’s cold in the studio and they keep each other warm, but whatever the reason, it’s genius, because it’s why I watch the show.
Jump to see a regular clip of the show, and then to see some of the best moments of his pets having mishaps during the show because sometimes a turtle and a puppy shouldn’t be on a small table together!
I guess I should thank Jezebel for reading Men’s Health so that I don’t have to, because today, I got the privelege of reading “Five Tests for Sexual Attraction“, where Men’s Health gives men five surefire ways to test and see if a woman wants to have sex with you.
My palms are not tan enough. Get someone in here immediately, I have to be at the Kids Choice Awards in an hour!
Pardon my self indulgence, I’m going to talk about Chicago and the “coincidences” in my life that make me feel like I’m in the Matrix.
Around 2004, when I was living in Chapel Hill, NC, I somehow heard this amazing band called Chin Up Chin Up. I couldn’t find their CD, We Should Have Never Lived Like We Were Skyscrapers, on amazon.com at all, so I special ordered it at CD Alley, the local indie music store. It is an amazing disc.
Suit #1- We’ve really gotta sex up our image here.
Suit #2- Yeah, how can we make people remember the name Kingsford?
Suit #1- We should ask the young kid who’s always on the Facebook stuff.
Suit #2- Hey kid, what’s a funny Internet thing that we could use in our new ad campaign? Like those stupid pictures of cats?
Kid with more desire to be hilarious than for employment- Oh, I’ve got the perfect thing…