Ask Gynomite!
I have a question for you. I messed up, and I need to apologize to someone. It’s not my partner, it’s not my family, it’s just another human being that I pissed off, and I was wrong. How do you apologize?
Wow, what a fantastic question. What a difficult skill to master, and hopefully, no one is in a position where they get really good at it through practice, so it makes sense that apologizing is tough. Plus the whole “admitting you’re wrong” thing.
Let’s dive into some dos and don’ts.
When apologizing, do
- do it fairly soon after the infraction
- say the words “I’m sorry”
- take responsibility for what happened and/or express how you feel about it
- be honest and genuine
Do not
- turn it into an opportunity to let the other person know how they were also responsible for what happened
- apologize via text
- express so much regret and misery that the other person feels compelled to comfort you
- go on and on trying to make excuses for your behavior
- bring it up after you’re done
Basically, people fuck up. It’s part of life. Sometimes you’re going to hurt someone’s feelings, whether you mean to or not. It’s best to acknowledge it and then move on. I’m proud of you for being willing to dive in an admit fault. It can be painful, but it’s incredibly essential.
Now let’s talk about the person on the other end of this, receiving the apology. I have apologized to several people who seemed so embarrassed by my naked declaration of fault that they waved me away and told me that it was no big deal when it clearly was. If someone wants to apologize to you, let them. Don’t interrupt them while they’re apologizing, don’t refuse if they offer to make amends, and thank them for apologizing.
There are two things in life you should always accept: an apology and a compliment.
Maybe croissants should be on that list.
