Coming soon to theaters…
Last fall, a series of events occured in my life that would fit more appropriately in a movie called “The Dress Address “.
I was walking in the Lower East Side, window shopping and feeling like a pauper, when I spotted this tiny storefront, its windows frothy with cream-colored tulle. Small script on the door read Mary Adams, and I timidly walked in, to be greeted by some of the most gorgeous dresses I have ever seen in my life.
It actually looked like this!!
In the movie version of my life, a sweet old woman with a hip haircut would have offered me tea and complimented my sweater. In reality, a cranky lady talked on the phone the entire time I was in the store and never greeted me. But no matter! I positively devoured the store, feeling all the soft and gorgeous fabrics, holding dresses up to myself and twirling, and just sighing with happiness. I walked out a few minutes later, changed forever.
Ask Gynomite!
I have a question for you. I messed up, and I need to apologize to someone. It’s not my partner, it’s not my family, it’s just another human being that I pissed off, and I was wrong. How do you apologize?
Wow, what a fantastic question. What a difficult skill to master, and hopefully, no one is in a position where they get really good at it through practice, so it makes sense that apologizing is tough. Plus the whole “admitting you’re wrong” thing.
Let’s dive into some dos and don’ts.
How Kawaii!
So you’re Japan, and you were a huge superpower in the 90s, but these days, you find yourself seriously lagging behind China, with their advantages in commerce, military force, and….. land mass.
What do you do to play to your strengths?
You hire these ladies.
Has anything ever been cuter/more terrifying than….
… an anteater drinking from a wineglass?
Thanks Cute Overload! (Sorry for the lack of Gynomiting, this day has brought many challenges. More more more soon!)
“You’re my favorite customer”
We went to a Good/Bad Movie Night last night, hosted by the lovely Justin and Marissa, to watch two movies so bad they become amazing.
The first was our pick, and it was The Abominable Dr. Phibes, which is a fantastically campy insane movie, but not poorly made. So it paled in comparison to the second movie, which is called The Room.
Basically, The Room is a movie written and directed by this guy who seems to be from Austria (although he will not talk about his country of origin) named Tommy Wiseau. Tommy made this movie based on his play and novel of the same story, which is basically the story of the most wonderful man on earth, Tommy Wiseau. He’s caught up in a love triangle and things get real dramatic real quick. Tommy screened the movie in LA and it became a cult hit, so he has changed all the marketing from “come see this very serious drama” to “come see this black comedy”. He insists that the intensely bad acting is all part of the humor that he intended to convey. What I do know is that everyone should see this movie. Jump to see two very brief scenes from it, and you be the judge.
Clearly, Italy has no idea what’s going on.
Here is Lindsay Lohan in an Italian ad for Fornarina, and with all these “special” effects, I can’t figure out how they made it seem like La Lohan speaks English as a second language.
Warning: Do not watch this commercial if you have been using drugs or have eaten a large meal.
“The divination is successful and the boy is placed into Rasputin’s body”
I saw this in Time Out yesterday, and it tickled me so much that I had to reprint it. This is the genius nu-metal band Mastodon describing their newest album, which is a concept album called Cracking the Skye.
The story deals with a paraplegic boy who experiments with astral travel. His spirit ascends through the atmosphere and flies too close to the sun, which burns off the golden umbilical cord that keeps him connected with the material world. Then he’s ripped into a wormhole and thrust into the spirit realm, where he’s placed in a divination being held by the Khlysty, a Russian Orthodox sect that Rasputin was rumored to be part of. The divination is successful and the boy is placed into Rasputin’s body. Rasputin journeys to St. Petersburg from Siberia, befriends the czarina and ultimately heals her son of hemophilia. But he’s eventually dosed with cyanide, and the boy’s spirit leaves his body, ascends through a crack in the sky and goes full circle back to earth. He’s been completely healed through this journey.
Now that’s how you sell a record, people.
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Videos of my life
This is the amazing video for The Mountain Goats song “This Year”, which is a song that has changed lives. Watch it.
Only in New York, am I right? (high five!)
I usually don’t do a lot of “oh wow, listen to this crazy thing I saw in New York today!” posts, becuse it is New York, and insane things do happen here on a near constant basis. It sounds cliche, but it’s true.
However, this really took the taco for me.
My office in Brooklyn is in a very lovely upscale Afrocentric neighborhood, and I am on a residential street facing a bunch of gorgeous and stately townhouses. Today, I noticed that two ambulances were parked on the street, and that they alternately had their lights flashing or would be playing music. I figured the ambulance drivers were bored.
One of the ambulances, doors left open, inviting confusion.
About 30 minutes ago, a group of 10 or so people burst out of the townhouse across from me, looking manic, arms full of random things, and they hustled themselves over to one ambulance and started putting things inside of it. Then several of them got in, and the others faded back, looking distressed.
But the ambulance didn’t leave. Instead, after the doors were shut for about 5 minutes, a few of the people got out again. The people who didn’t get in were still milling about on the street, and I noticed that were opening the doors of the two vans on the street as well, and digging through them.
Then I see a woman get out of the ambulance wearing a skin tight, very revealing bright green dress seemingly made of plastic. She models it for the people outside, then gets back in, and gets out again in an equally revealing women’s suit.
This is when I notice that two of the guys milling around outside have boom mic equipment strapped to them.
This is when I realize that a porn movie is being filmed in front of me.
News you can use.
This is Don Herbert. And I love him.
Don majored in English and General Science in college, but he was also very interested in theater. He left the world of academics to join the Air Force, and became a distinguished pilot in World War II. When he came back from the war, he started working on a radio documentary series called It’s Your Life. It was there that he developed an idea for his own show for TV, and in 1951, NBC decided they liked it too. So they put it on the air.
Now at this point, you may be asking yourself “why do I care about this in the slightest?”. Well, jump and you’ll find out.
