Dear Short Stack,
I was really happy to hear that you were filming part of your HBO series here in my neighborhood- right across the street! I even told my family all about it! How fun would it be, I said, to see you in our deli or our coffeeshop!
Cut to last night at about 10:30, when I mentioned to Kumail that we had forgotten to repark the car and that we hadn’t really seen the car since Monday morning. We decided to go for a walk and just check and make sure that our little Protege was doing ok. You understand, don’t you, Marty? It’s important to keep track of your things. So imagine my shock when it wasn’t where we left it!
After checking to see if it had been towed by the city (plausible given their sadism, and yet, nope), we wandered the streets, through groups of friends and family listening to Michael Jackson out on the sidewalks, looking for our car.
Now Marty, we’re reasonable people, and we didn’t think anyone had towed our car. We thought your lovely new show Boardwalk Empire had simply needed the space occupied by our car (maybe for Dabney Coleman’s trailer?), and had moved it gently a block away. We didn’t find it, but we thought “we’ll talk to the cops tomorrow and work all of this out”. I’m sure Marty’s note to us indicating where our car was moved just got lost somewhere.
However, the Brooklyn NYPD precicnt determined that this was not the case and informed me this morning that my car had been stolen. I was ready to forgive you for thinking you’d moved it. I was even ready to rewatch Bringing Out the Dead, although really, it’s a terrible movie, and I had bigger things to focus on. The cops came over this morning and while filing the report, they drove me around the neighborhood just to check one more time.
Ten blocks away, as I made small talk with the coppers, I spotted it. Imagine the dramatic moment that was, huh? Oh, you would have loved it. The car was there, totally unharmed, with a sticker on the car that said “this car has been towed to Boerum and White because of movie production”.
Marty, the sticker was on the car. HOW THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO FIND THE CAR IF THE STICKER TELLING ME WHERE THE CAR WAS STAYED ON THE CAR?
I expected better out of you. I’ll never watch Boardwalk Empire. Never.
Go fuck yourself,