My weekly column over at Lemondrop is up today, and here’s the deal:
Go here to read it!
After a short hiatus, Gynomite returns with the face-meltingly amazing series “Ask a Comedian” where I ask a few comedians I know the same random question.
Today we have TJ Miller, amazing comedian, gifted actor, ridiculously snappy dresser, and star of the upcoming Yogi Bear movie. He has also been seen in Cloverfield, Extract, the TV show Carpoolers, lots of Chelsea Lately, and a ton more movies soon to be released. Let me refresh your memory with the question:
There’s a doll being made of you- What tiny little accessories would it come with, and/or what would it say when you pull the string? (Yep, there’s a string.)
Jump to find out!
This comes from Joe Mande’s Twitter and made me actually laugh out loud.
That’s great, but what’s totes for sale? You’re being totes vague right now.
So Kumail and I have both been on a Twilight-revulsion tear lately, and it is oh so rewarding. Today Kumail found this article at Chud.com that recaps the plot of the final Twilight book, Breaking Dawn, and holy shit, it makes that movie Antichrist look like Marley & Me. I kinda gained a little bit of respect for Stephanie Meyer, who clearly wasn’t thinking of whether or not this book could be made into a movie when she wrote it. In fact, the actors only signed on to make the first three of the four books into movies, although studio execs insist:
“The fans should rest assured the we’re working with Stephenie Meyer to bring Breaking Dawn to the big screen,” the rep said. “As in all creative processes, things take time. We want to make sure we get it right.”
So I am now joining the fight to keep Twilight popular because this movie HAS to be made. It would be the biggest most beautiful trainwreck you’ve ever seen.
Click for spoilers galore that will spoil your dinner, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Courtesy of The Daily What.
For those of you having a traditional Thanksgiving, here are some helpful hotline numbers for you. And if you’re not having a traditional Thanksgiving, I recommend prank calling them all day long with your concerns about your husband’s drinking problem and the moistness of your stuffing.
(I miss you, Gordons!)
- Butterball Turkey Talk-Line: 1-800-BUTTERBALL
The Turkey Talk-Line from the folks at Butterball is a great place for answers to turkey questions. The line is open Monday through Friday from 8 AM to 6 PM CST from now until December 21. And the best part of all: it’s open Thanksgiving day, starting at 6 AM CST!! TDD line: 1-800-TDD-3848. Bilingual help is available.
- Honeysuckle White Help Line:1-800-810-6325
This line offers pre-recorded answers to lots of your turkey preparation questions.
- Perdue Farms: 1-800-473-7383
Find out about roasting, carving, stuffing, gravy and turkey leftovers.
- USDA Meat and Poultry Hotline: 1-888-674-6854
If you have questions about food safety, including storage, handling and preparation of the Thanksgiving turkey, call the USDA hotline weekdays from 9 AM to 3 PM CST.
- ShopRite Chefs On Call: 1-800-746-7748
A team of chefs mans the line for this supermarket chain. Call with any questions; and they can send you recipes via email.
- Reynolds Turkey Line: 1-800-745-4000
This hotline is open 24 hours a day. Call to get the best tips about cooking using Reynolds products.
- Fleischmann’s Yeast Baker’s Help Line:1-800-777-4959
This helpline, for all your questions about breads and rolls, is open Monday – Friday from 9 AM – 7 PM, all year long.
- Land O’Lakes Holiday Bake Line: 1-800-782-9606
Any and all baking questions are answered from 8 AM to 7 PM CST at Land O’Lakes from now until Christmas Eve.
- Hershey’s Consumer Hot Line: 1-800-468-1714
Let the folks at Hersheys walk you through every chocolate question you’ve ever had. Ask for recipes too! This line is open Monday – Friday from 9 AM to 4 PM EST, all year round.
- Libby Consumer Hot Line: 1-800-854-0374
Stressed about your pumpkin pie? Get tips and advice, plus recipes using canned pumpkin. The line is open Monday – Friday from 8 AM – 8 PM EST, all year round.
- Ocean Spray Consumer Helpline:1-800-662-3263
Learn everything you ever wanted to know about cranberries, including ideas for using leftover canned cranberry sauce. The hotline is open Monday – Friday from 9 AM – 4 PM EST, all year round. And it’s open on Thanksgiving!
Kumail and I were discussing it this morning, and we think that of all the songs and musical genres invented and exploited in the 90s, ultimately, it’s the shitty milquetoast grunge bands that seem to most accurately represent that decade. To that end, I present to you what I believe to be, sadly, the most 90s song on the planet.
Look, I get it, ok. I do. I chased after bad boys for many years, hoping to become embroiled in their stupid small drama, hoping it would make my life more significant. So I get why people love Twilight.
How cynical am I that when I read a teaser for this story, about how a man wanted to propose to his girlfriend in a hot air balloon but dropped the ring box over the side, that I immediately thought “There’s no fucking ring in that box. He just did that to get away with not buying her a ring.”
But alas, they found it.
Go here to read the….ok fine, sweet and lovely story.