Gynomite says: Screw New Year’s Resolutions

December 31, 2009 at 11:09 am (gynomite's emotional assignment of the day, Uncategorized) (, , )

You know how pet stores always go on a campaign every year around December warning people not to adopt pets over the holidays because it sets up too chaotic of an environment for the new family member?

This is how I feel about New Year’s Resolutions.  Your desire to drink less is that new tiny puppy, terrified amongst loud noises and tons of wrapping paper.

Making big changes or lofty emotional statements about how things are going to be different starting tomorrow, just because a day dictates that you do so, is a recipe for complete and abject failure.  It feels more like a publicity stunt than a healthy change in behavior.  Case in point, if you can’t think of any cliched things to change, the New Years Resolution Generator can help, giving you such gems as “Go to yoga”, “Use my phone to call rather than text”, “start a business”, “laugh a lot”, etc.   Are we really all that predictable in the things we want to change?

So my idea for the new hotness on New Years Eve?  Pick one thing you refuse to change and respect it.

Maybe it’s something you’ve tried to change in the past but have failed every time, like being vegetarian, or going to the gym, or being less judgmental.  Or maybe it’s something about yourself you just happen to love despite the fact that it’s not super advantageous, like your extra ten pounds, or how you have a dead end job.  No matter what it is, pick it and resolve to fucking appreciate it, or at least stop torturing yourself about it.

Even if the behavior is something you should actually change at some point, how on earth are you expected to change it if you don’t fully appreciate why you’re doing it?  I asked a few of my pals to tell me the trait they refused to change in 2010, and then I asked them to tell me why that trait is so awesome.  Here’s a few responses I got, with the guide of “My —— is awesome because it ———-.

My constant casual shit-talking is awesome because it makes my real friends feel more bonded, shows how funny I am, and is insightful.

My lack of going to big city stuff when I live in a big city is awesome because it keeps the city manageable and gives me more to do when my parents visit.

My hooking up with guys who will never be relationship material is awesome because it keeps me out of a relationship that I’m not ready for yet.

My texting people rather than calling them is awesome because it’s me showing people I care about how much I care the only way I am able to at the time.

My extra ten pounds are awesome because they force me to be wittier when meeting girls at bars.

So this New Years Eve, instead of feeling shitty about yourself, celebrate yourself and all your quirks.  Then one day, when you least expect it, wake up and make changes you can feel good about on your own terms, and not Dick Clark’s.

Happy Holidays everyone!  Be safe!

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