I got dressed for an event the other night, wanting to feel sassy and sexy and comfy, and when I finished getting ready and appraised myself in the mirror, I realized something: I am still aspiring to look like the hottest chick of the early 90s.
I’m not saying I wear babydoll dresses and baby barrettes in my hair (I’m also not saying that I never did, because I totally did), but I haven’t gotten over rocking short skirts with combat boots, and I still aim for my hair to be messy and lioness-looking. I still want my skin to be pale, my lipstick to be dark and matte, and my eyeshadow to be reddish brown, in typical late 80s/early 90s style. I wore a black string as a choker until maybe two years ago, and I only stopped when I realized that it was starting to stink from being around my neck for a good two months. (gross!)
In short, I want to look like this:
I didn’t really realize it until I started watching Twin Peaks for the third time in my life, but Shelly (Madchen Amick) has long been my beauty inspiration. All you have to do is add bangs. I’m not even saying I’m attaining it, but it’s definitely my goal.
Fashion-wise, after some soul-searchign I realized that this is my dream outfit:
It’s functional, it’s flattering, it’s sexy, and it’s got a big weird brooch on it! Who wouldn’t love that?
Maybe it happens to every woman- maybe we all take whatever the standards of beauty are from our turbulent adolescences (can you pluralize adolescence?) and keep it close to our hearts and our mirrors. I guess I should be lucky I was an adolescent in the late 80s/early 90s, rather than the early 80s, otherwise I’d still be teasing my bangs. Looking cool and beautiful, when you’re a gangly weird adolescent, feels like a carrot that’s always dangled just out of reach- you can put on all the things that make other people pretty, but it still feels like a girl playing dress up. As Tim Gunn would say, the outfit is wearing you. My only hope is that now, when I hang all these things on myself, I at least look like I’m supposed to be wearing them, even if that look is outdated.
So even though I’m a grown up and I have access to real grownup people clothes, just know that when I look in the mirror, what I want to see is this:
And I’m totally okay with that.