Ask Gynomite, the video edition!
In her former life, Emily “Gynomite” Gordon was a couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states. In this life, she’s a freelance fighter of your emotional woes with Ask Gynomite. Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential. Today, Gynomite takes on distrust in a relationship when there’s no real cause for it.
I’m in a relationship and I am always concerned that my boyfriend is going to cheat on me. He’s always been great, I have no reason to suspect him of cheating, and I’ve not really been cheated on before (other than in middle school, which I don’t think counts), but for some reason I am constantly suspicious of him. The end result is that I freak out on him for no reason. I’m writing you now because we recently had a huge fight because he lied to me about having (a totally work-related) lunch with two female coworkers because he thought I would freak out, and when it came out anyway, I did freak out because he lied to me, even though I understand why he did. What can I do?
I answered this question by talking into a camera because I felt too lazy to type, so jump and enjoy!
Matt said,
January 14, 2013 at 6:15 pm
Interesting. I am a 30 something year old guy. I listen to you an Kumail on the Indoor Kids Podcast and began following you and Kumail on twitter. I really enjoy what you both have to say. I was scrolling through twitter and saw your video version of ask Gynomite and decided to take a look. I will admit, mainly to see what you looked like…I was thouroughly impressed by the way. Anyway, once I got past how pretty you are, I started to pay attention to what you were saying. You made quite a bit of sense! I am in a marriage of 13 years and without sounding conceded, we are both good looking people and keep in good shape. I have attractive female co workers that I associate with at work and even workout with at the gym at lunch. I probably see those women at work more often than my wife, but it never has become an issue because we have trust and mutual respect for each other. Awesome video! Looking forward to more.
Ari said,
January 14, 2013 at 7:04 pm
I really like this in a video format! Something about seeing a face and hearing a (familiar) voice talk makes it feel more personal.
Aeshir said,
January 14, 2013 at 11:28 pm
“THAT’S FUCKED.”
I love you, Emily.
I always read these posts and they’re always great, I feel like I’ve learned a lot from them. Maybe it’s just my ADD, but this video format felt much more digestible. And you’re hilarious! That helps too.
Aeshir said,
January 14, 2013 at 11:56 pm
Unnecessary secrets and other such forms of dishonesty in relationships are such a weird thing. Things that can really, surely destroy a relationship may do so whether or not you talk about them, but so many people fail to understand that sometimes just letting shit air can solve the problem. Raw, honest, and empathic communication is something that is so often skipped over and avoided when it comes to problem-solving in relationships. We’ve all seen so many relationships end because people fail to communicate. It’s really sad and frustrating how often it happens; even the letters you get, with so many of them I just want to scream at my screen “TALK TO YOUR S/O ABOUT THIS.” It’s often both the quickest and most effective way to come to a solution or end the relationship if it that’s what needs to happen, before people really get hurt or waste their time being with someone they don’t actually trust.
Maybe I’m just better at communicating than most people and am holding everyone else to a high standard, but it’s just such an agonizing thing to see.