Gynomite!

Here’s a list of celebrities that have accidentally killed people!

• Actress/singer/murderer Brandy was in an accident in 2006 that killed 38-year-old Awatef Aboudihaj. No drugs or alcohol involved, she wasn’t arrested or charged.

• In 1987, while vacationing in Ireland with Jennifer Grey (his effing sister in Ferris Bueller!), actor/murderer Matthew Broderick caused a fatal collision that killed 63-year-old Margaret Doherty and her 30-year-old daughter, Anna Gallagher. He was charged and convicted of reckless driving, and paid a small fine.

• In 1951, author/murderer William S. Burroughs shot and killed his girlfriend in a drunken game of William Tell at a party above a bar in Mexico City. He spent 13 days in jail before his brother bribed Mexican lawyers and officials to get him out. The murder was ruled culpable homicide, and he was convicted in absentia.

• In 1963, first lady/dead eyes/murderer Laura Bush was involved in a car accident where she ran a stop sign and hit another car, killing classmate, Michael Dutton Douglas, who was driving the other car. Neither driver was drinking, and no charges were filed.

• Actor/murderer Lane Garrison pled guilty to vehicular manslaughter and drunken driving for a car crash in 2006 that killed 17-year-old Vahagn Setian, a passenger in his car. Two other 15 year old girls in the car were seriously injured. Why was he in a car with teenagers? He said he was taking them home from a high school party he had attended, but party goers said that he left because the party ran out of booze. Classy. He’s in prison now. He probably won’t Prison Break.

• Actress/Noxzema girl/murderer Rebecca Gayheart struck and killed 9 year old Jorge Cruz Jr. as he crossed the street. She was on the phone. She was not charged, but the kid’s parents filed a wrongful-death lawsuit against her, seeking coverage of medical and funeral expenses, and compensation for loss of future earnings. The lawsuit was settled out of court, and settlement terms were not disclosed.

• Motley Crue frontman/murderer Vince Neil was hanging out with the drummer of Hanoi Rocks, Nicholas Dingley (aka Razzle), one day in 1984 when Vince crashed the car they were in into another car. Razzle was killed, and Vince was convicted of vehicular manslaughter and DUI. He served 15 days.

• NBA player/murderer Jayson Williams was giving people a tour around his home in 2004, apparently while wielding a shotgun, and accidentally shot his driver, 55 year old Costas Christofi. He was acquitted of murder, but the jury deadlocked on reckless manslaughter and he’s getting a re-trial.

• Isaac Brock, lead singer of Modest Mouse,/all around shithead didn’t kill anyone, but don’t you think rape accusations + attempted murder = ok, let’s just say murder? In 1999, Brock was accused of acquaintance rape by a girl he went home with after a night of drinking. He was never officially charged, and about the incident, he says “the whole situation was so complicated that it’s hard for me to go into lots of detail”. Ohhhh, ok. Also, he was driving a car one night sometime in the 90s, when a passenger offered him a whippet, and upon doing it, he wrecked the car. His passenger dislocated her finger, and in Oregon, if someone is hurt in relation to a DUI, it’s automatic attempted murder. He served 10 days.  (By the way, is this guy America’s Pete Doherty, or what?)

I like how Jayson Williams and William S Burroughs have the distinction of accidentally shooting someone to death, whereas everyone else just uses boring old cars.