In her former life, Emily “Gynomite” Gordon was a couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states. In this life, she’s a freelance fighter of your emotional woes with Ask Gynomite. Write her at firstname.lastname@example.org- all emails stay confidential. You can also check her out on her weekly advice column over at Lemondrop. Today, Gynomite takes on getting over an ex that you want to murder.
I’m having a hard time getting over my last boyfriend. We split up with a huge fight, with both of us screaming and cursing each other, but we split up because he was cheating on me and being a terrible dude. So I’m not like, pining for him, I actually hate him hate him hate him and I can’t seem to stop being pissed. How can I calm down? It’s been almost a month!
Your anger is totally real, and justified, and warranted, and all that jazz. You have every single right to be pissed. But that’s not what this is about, really.
In the past few days I’ve run across these two awesome sites, and rather than just restate them, I thought I’d send you all over there.
First up is a list of the 10 Dating Dealbreakers That Really Aren’t, like “he doesn’t have a college degree” (whereas “he doesn’t have any drive or ambition should remain on that dealbreaker list). Pretty eye-opening stuff that you single ladies might want to look out for, but DON’T SETTLE AND NO ONE AT GYNOMITE WILL EVER TELL YOU TO SETTLE. The point is instead of carrying around a black and white checklist of characteristics you won’t put up with, try to dig past those to the actual emotions and behaviors behind those characteristics.
Second up is a therapist and author that I had the pleasure of interviewing for Lemondrop (coming up soon) named Susan J. Elliott. She has this amazing blog called “Getting Past Your Past” that’s all about how to get closure and move on from trauma in your life. There’s an active forum, helpful posts, and all kinds of things for you. Get in there.