Ask Gynomite!

September 24, 2010 at 4:03 pm (ask gynomite) (, , , )

In her former life, Emily “Gynomite” Gordon was a couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states.  In this life, she’s a freelance fighter of your emotional woes with Ask Gynomite.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  Today, Gynomite takes on how to best brush off an unwanted suitor.

I’ve been going on a bunch of dates with a lot of different guys lately, mostly just one or two dates and then I don’t want to continue seeing them for one reason or another.  Instead of just blowing them off I’ve started to actually tell them the reason why- things like me noticing that he’s clearly in love with his female roommate. One guy told me that he didn’t have any dating experience so I thought I would tell him so he would know for the future that that’s the impression he’s giving off. One of my friends said that I shouldn’t do that because I don’t owe them anything and it’s unsolicited feedback but I feel like someone should know the reason why I don’t want to hang out with them again and if they are doing something unintentional, they’ll know for future dates with other women. What do you think?
This is a debate I had with a lot of both men and women back when I was dating, because I tended to do things the way you do- I thought it to be a refreshing departure from the usual excuses, and I hoped that guys would return the favor if they didn’t like dating me.  I just always want to know an honest why.  But it can sting, so here are some things to keep in mind if you operate this way…
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Because you know who’s an Alpha Male? Don Draper.

September 20, 2010 at 9:53 am (pop culture, pop psychology, psychology, relationships) (, , )

Would that be so terrible?

For years now, pop culture analysts and relationship experts have been crowing about the “beta male” syndrome.  As women have been getting more successful on their own, it’s created a bit of a financial power shift in relationships- women with PhDs are with men who wait tables and are in a band, low level IT guys who do comedy at night, writers who work at Starbucks, etc.  Maybe the guys play video games.  Maybe they don’t dress in suits every day. Maybe they’re portrayed in movies like Knocked Up by Seth Rogan.

The thought has been that women can’t have both success and a successful partner at the same time, and there’s been lots of tongue clucking over that.  Women are said to be “dating down” with someone less because they’re too focused on their careers to find a “good man”.

But fuck that.

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Ask Gynomite!

August 25, 2010 at 12:18 pm (ask gynomite) (, , , , , , , )

In her former life, Emily “Gynomite” Gordon was a couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states.  In this life, she’s a freelance fighter of your emotional woes with Ask Gynomite.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  You can also check her out on her weekly advice column over at Lemondrop.  Today, Gynomite takes on getting over an ex that you want to murder.

I’m having a hard time getting over my last boyfriend.  We split up with a huge fight, with both of us screaming and cursing each other, but we split up because he was cheating on me and being a terrible dude. So I’m not like, pining for him, I actually hate him hate him hate him and I can’t seem to stop being pissed. How can I calm down?  It’s been almost a month!

Your anger is totally real, and justified, and warranted, and all that jazz.  You have every single right to be pissed.  But that’s not what this is about, really.

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Ask Gynomite!

July 21, 2010 at 6:27 pm (ask gynomite, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

In her former life, Emily “Gynomite” Gordon was a couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states.  In this life, she’s a freelance fighter of your emotional woes.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  You can also check her out on her weekly advice column over at Lemondrop.  Today, Gynomite takes on when the sex is good but everything else is bad.

I’ve been dating this guy for about 8 months, and honestly, it’s a pretty lame relationship.  At first we got along totally great, but we quickly went from being flirty and having fun to either ignoring or snapping at each other.  I have stuck around because I love him, and also because for the first time ever, I have a great sex life.  Every time we fight we end up having sex, and it’s always passionate and mindblowing and amazing.  That’s worth sticking around for, right?

Wow, good question.  Here’s what I will say: while it’s tough to have a good relationship without a good sex life (thanks Mom!), it is totally possible to have a horrible relationship with a good sex life.  And this is what you have.  The question is, what does it mean?

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Date a Nerd! They’ll Build You Rocketships for your Jimmy Choos!

March 18, 2010 at 7:29 am (pop culture, relationships) (, , , , , , )

John DeVore recently wrote a great piece at The Frisky in response to one of the most casually insulting things I’ve ever read in Cosmopolitan, Seven Reasons to Date a Moodle.

In it, Cosmo tells women it’s good to date a guy you ordinarily would put in the nerdy friend category, because “Sure, he may secretly want to get it on with his super hot neighbor, but knowing that you’re the hottest girl he’s ever been with will probably keep him from cheating.” That’s right ladies, the best thing about “settling” for a nerd is all that relationship security.  Unless, of course, the hot neighbor also read this article and decides she wants her very own loyal puppy dog of a nerd.

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Ask Gynomite!

March 14, 2010 at 6:26 pm (ask gynomite, relationships) (, , , , , , )

In her former life, Emily “Gynomite” Gordon was a couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states.  In this life, she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  You can also check her out on her weekly column over at Lemondrop.  Today, Gynomite takes on breaking news in a new relationship.

I’ve been dating this guy for a few months, and we are officially boyfriend and girlfriend, and things are going really well.  Here’s the problem.  I have a few, like, secrets in my past.  Nothing that affects our relationship now at all, but stuff that is important to who I am, and stuff that I feel like someone who really cares about me should know about.  Like religion/past relationship/drug use stuff.  I don’t to tell him too early so he thinks I’m a confessional weirdo, and I don’t want to wait too long to where he’s like “Why did you never tell me this?”.  I am confused.

As a girl who also has fun past experiences that just don’t seem to work their way into conversations, I feel you.  Let’s see if we can figure out a timetable.

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Ask Gynomite!

January 31, 2010 at 5:15 pm (ask gynomite) (, , , , , )

Gynomite is a real live couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states (seriously!) and she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  You can also check her out on her weekly column over at Lemondrop.  Today, Gynomite takes on what happens when you change your look and it doesn’t change your life.

I recently lost around 30 lbs that I needed to lose.  My boyfriend didn’t pressure me to do it at all but was encouraging and he says he likes the way I look now, but I’m way more self conscious than ever about how I look naked.  I feel like I have loose skin and still need to lose some weight, and he will kid me about it by saying stuff like “Where’s the rest of my girlfriend?!” when we’re about to get busy.  I thought I would be really excited about losing weight, but I just feel worse than ever.

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Dating hints from a man.

January 15, 2010 at 1:35 pm (relationships) (, , , )

Lemondrop has a guy-written post about the top girl behaviors that annoy guys on dates, and while I usually get annoyed at being told what qualities my gender possesses that are “annoying”, because god forbid we annoy men, this was actually a good list.  So I present to you my favorite entries from “Things Women Do on Dates That Suck That I Wish They Wouldn’t Do Anymore”.  Jump it!

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Ask Gynomite!

December 15, 2009 at 3:25 pm (ask gynomite) (, , , , , , , , )

Gynomite is a licensed therapist in 2 1/2 states and she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  Today, Gynomite takes on men who hate PDA.

I’ve been dating a guy for a few months, and everything is going really well, except that he refuses to show me any affection in public.  At first I was fine with it, but it’s starting to bug me more and more.  The most he’ll “allow” is me resting my head on his shoulder during a movie, but there’s no hand holding, no drunken makeouts at bars, no squeezing my knee at parties, nothing.  Everything else is going really well, but this has become a weird sore spot between the two of us, and sometimes I’ll attempt a kiss in public even though I know it’ll start weirdness between us.  I just want to kiss him!  Help!

Ahhh, this is definitely a proceed with caution situation, but one that can be easily solved.

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Ask Gynomite!

November 23, 2009 at 8:53 pm (ask gynomite) (, , , , , , , , , )

Gynomite is a licensed therapist in 2 1/2 states and she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  Today, Gynomite takes on figuring out where you stand with a man.

I’ve been seeing someone casually for a few months now, but I’m not sure where we stand.  I like him, and I want to ask him where he sees this going, but I’m also concerned about putting too much pressure on him too soon.  I’m also not sure if he’s seeing other people (or at least wants to keep that option open for now). I have been out with a few other people, but I don’t want that to blow up in my face if I learn he thinks we’ve reached a certain level of commitment already.  I don’t actually really care if we keep it casual for now, but I just want to make sure we’re on the same page… without scaring him!

The last time I tried to have this talk with someone, he freaked out and ran away kicking and screaming, so I’m just trying to avoid making the same mistakes.

Oi…this is a question as old as the hills, and a good one at that.

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