And now, an excerpt from the blog of Madonna’s 13 year old daughter

June 30, 2010 at 1:52 pm (music) (, , , , )

Yes, Lourdes dressed up like mommy for one of mommy's new videos.

Lola/Lourdes is adorable and seems wonderful, but it’s hard not to hate on a 13 year old’s blog, especially a 13 year old who is about to launch her own clothing line.  I think she can be forgiven for not realizing how gauche it is to name her clothing line Material Girl though.  13 year olds are just starting to distance themselves from their parents.

My favvvv color is black (just because it goes with everything) and my least favorite color is brown (because it resembles the color of something QUITE gross).

I am totally obsessivo about 80’s shorts… You know the kind that makes your butt look kinda big, with a grunge-looking shirt tucked in. It’s kinda nerdy but I love it. And the 80’s are another huge obsession of mine, which is totally amazingly awesome because Material Girl…HELLO! It’s like 80’s themed, which pretty much rocks, so yeah. I’m still in love with brogues or as some people call them “oxford shoes”. I haven’t found a good sandal so I’m on like a search right now.

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May 21, 2010 at 6:47 am (cool things i've found, pop culture, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , )

  • Here’s a thing I wrote for where I diagnose TV characters (this week, Community and 30 Rock)
  • and here’s a Guyspeak/Girlspeak I wrote with Nick Nadel for Lemondrop
  • and here’s the new vodka that was made in Brooklyn’s honor by Absolut with help from Spike Lee (luckily they’re donating $50,000 to Bed-Stuy housing projects, and yes, that’s sarcasm)
  • and here’s a very clever ad for photoshop face cream by Giopets Graphic Art (as seen on The Daily What)

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Once I saw a unicorn

December 7, 2009 at 9:32 pm (music, my life, pop culture) (, )

This is a thing I wrote for a website but they were like “naaaaaah”, so now it’s for you.  The topic: Madonna.

Have you ever seen a celebrity?  Wait, let me clarify:  have you ever seen a celebrity so mind-bendingly celebrity that you start questioning reality?  I have.  When you live in New York, where celebrities are “just like us!” and do things like walk around and wear sunglasses, you get fairly used to spotting someone famous and immediately acting as if you haven’t seen anyone at all.  We all play celebrity bingo here, and we all act as if we don’t care about it.  But recently, I hit the celebrity bingo jackpot and saw a creature so rare and mythical that it was like seeing a unicorn.  I saw Madonna.

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Tales from fourth grade.

September 6, 2009 at 11:17 am (my life) (, , , , , , )

Emily Doll House

This is a collection of very very short stories about my fourth grade year.  It’s part of a thing I’m working on, and I promise you that they are funny and heavily pop cultured, but if you don’t want to read about the woes of 11 year old Gynomite, I won’t fault you for that.

I had the dubious honor of being in our little school’s Academically Gifted program, which meant that at the beginning of the day, someone would come and get me from my regular class and take me to a classroom with the 20 other “gifted” kids in the school.   Ten minutes before the end of the day, I would be taken back to my class again.  I don’t know why we couldn’t just be in our AG classroom all day, but I think it was to maximize our torment from other kids.  The AG class was mostly boys, so I managed to just barely make the cutoff for an actual girl clique!  We called ourselves The Sensational Six, as there were six of us, and we would have never hung out were it not for our collective ostracism from other kids.  The most ambitious of the group, Christine, made us all matching sweatshirts covered with buttons and bows.  We wore them.  A lot.

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Signs of the Pop Culture Apocalypse

March 30, 2009 at 10:35 am (pop culture) (, , , , , , , , )

1.  Pam Anderson showing up somewhere looking gorgeous and not all used up.

2.  Victoria Beckham in loose-fitting jeans and flip flops.

3.  MTV playing music videos again.

On Monday the network starts “AMTV,” a six-hour block for music and advertising experimentation. From 3 to 9 a.m. Monday through Thursday, it will show music videos, news, interviews and performances, harking back to the network’s origins as a 24-hour home for music videos.

All we need now is for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes to admit their marriage is a sham, or for Madonna to reveal her true cyborg form, or Paris Hilton shunning life in the spotlight to study birds in Africa,  or for Lindsay Lohan to actually act in a movie.  Then the pop culture hell would rain down on all of us.  Because we are all sinners, every last one of us.

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For no reason at all, it’s Madonna naked.

January 16, 2009 at 12:14 pm (pop culture) (, , )

These pictures, sent to me by my lovely friend/hairstylist/kinda-employee Caroline, are of Madonna in the early 80s, and they are gorgeous.  You forget that the iconic conceptualization of Madonna that we know of today was once a pretty young dancer that needed money and had an attitude.  The pics are very NSFW and hirsuite, so be aware of that before you jump.

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Post number 2 about how I saw Madonna coming out of the Kabbalah Center on Saturday!

October 13, 2008 at 1:38 pm (my life, pop culture) (, )

I found pictures!!!!

Katy Hill and I are literally right next to the guy in the striped shirt.  REALLY!!!!  Kumail and Vivek are on the other side of the Escalade!  Go here to see the rest of them, and for fun, scour the pictures for hints of us!  (You won’t find any, but I enjoyed doing it)

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A pretty New Yorky weekend

October 13, 2008 at 1:11 pm (cool things i've found, my life, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

We had friends in town this weekend, which meant that we spent a lot of time walking around Manhattan.  Like, nine hours on Saturday, and a few more on Sunday.  We did things like take them to Barcade, with its wall-to-wall old school arcade games, and then walked home to find a man being forcibly ejected from the pizza place across the street from our apartment, all while being punched in the back of the head.  You know, New York stuff.

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25 years later, and she still can’t wear pants!

September 8, 2008 at 6:46 am (pop culture) (, , , , )

Neary just sent me this fantastic Madonna video from 1983, and I love it love it love it.  The little choreographed moves?  The backup dancers?  Priceless!

(skip the first minute if you’re allergic to annoying weirdly made up emcees in tuxedos)

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An Open Letter to Tom Munroe, Madonna photographer

August 25, 2008 at 7:26 am (pop culture, Uncategorized) (, , , , )

Listen, you seem like a really good photographer.  I know you’ve shot Madonna for Elle Magazine, and those pictures were gorgeous.  Excellent lighting, nice positioning, etc and so on.  And I know Madonna can be a bit of a bear to work with… I mean, not from personal experience as I’ve never been within a mile of her, but I’ve grown up with the woman, and adore her like people adore their favorite dish that mom makes- comforting in its tastiness and predictability, and every once in a while,  it makes a really good pop song.

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