In her former life, Emily “Gynomite” Gordon was a couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states. In this life, she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas. Write her at firstname.lastname@example.org- all emails stay confidential. You can also check her out on her weekly column over at Lemondrop. Today, Gynomite takes on breaking news in a new relationship.
I’ve been dating this guy for a few months, and we are officially boyfriend and girlfriend, and things are going really well. Here’s the problem. I have a few, like, secrets in my past. Nothing that affects our relationship now at all, but stuff that is important to who I am, and stuff that I feel like someone who really cares about me should know about. Like religion/past relationship/drug use stuff. I don’t to tell him too early so he thinks I’m a confessional weirdo, and I don’t want to wait too long to where he’s like “Why did you never tell me this?”. I am confused.
As a girl who also has fun past experiences that just don’t seem to work their way into conversations, I feel you. Let’s see if we can figure out a timetable.
The open letter I wrote for men who dote on their female friends way too much to ever actually have a chance of dating them is now up, again, on GuySpeak, with a response from one of their awesome writers, Nick “Chic Geek Nadel. Read em and weep! It’s Boyfriends Without Benefits.
Gynomite is a licensed therapist in 2 1/2 states and she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas. Write her at email@example.com- all emails stay confidential. Today, Gynomite takes on men who hate PDA.
I’ve been dating a guy for a few months, and everything is going really well, except that he refuses to show me any affection in public. At first I was fine with it, but it’s starting to bug me more and more. The most he’ll “allow” is me resting my head on his shoulder during a movie, but there’s no hand holding, no drunken makeouts at bars, no squeezing my knee at parties, nothing. Everything else is going really well, but this has become a weird sore spot between the two of us, and sometimes I’ll attempt a kiss in public even though I know it’ll start weirdness between us. I just want to kiss him! Help!
Ahhh, this is definitely a proceed with caution situation, but one that can be easily solved.
My weekly column over at Lemondrop is up today, and here’s the deal:
Go here to read it!
Gynomite is a licensed therapist in 2 1/2 states and she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas. Write her at firstname.lastname@example.org- all emails stay confidential. Today, Gynomite takes on figuring out where you stand with a man.
I’ve been seeing someone casually for a few months now, but I’m not sure where we stand. I like him, and I want to ask him where he sees this going, but I’m also concerned about putting too much pressure on him too soon. I’m also not sure if he’s seeing other people (or at least wants to keep that option open for now). I have been out with a few other people, but I don’t want that to blow up in my face if I learn he thinks we’ve reached a certain level of commitment already. I don’t actually really care if we keep it casual for now, but I just want to make sure we’re on the same page… without scaring him!
The last time I tried to have this talk with someone, he freaked out and ran away kicking and screaming, so I’m just trying to avoid making the same mistakes.
Oi…this is a question as old as the hills, and a good one at that.
Rich Santos over at Marie Claire wrote a piece about whether or not women should stay with men who screw up. I like it both because it’s from the perspective of a man who purports to be a “good guy” watching women stay with shitty men, and because it’s a nice definitive list. Men are much more black and white thinkers than women, and while I usually think of that as a disadvantage, I think sometimes it’s good to have some hard and fast rules.
Gynomite is a licensed therapist in 2 1/2 states and she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas. Write her at email@example.com- all emails stay confidential. Today, Gynomite takes on getting over a breakup.
My boyfriend and I broke up about two weeks ago, and I just can’t seem to get over him. We dated for like, 3 months, which I know doesn’t seem like a long time, but I really really liked him, and I just can’t work up the effort to go on normally. I’m not wearing makeup, I’m not going out, I just go to work, go home, and sulk. How do I get over this guy?
This is a fantastic question. Since you asked just about how to get over someone and now how to get someone back, I’m only going to address the work you need to do with yourself to feel like yourself again.
Gynomite is a licensed therapist in 2 1/2 states and she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas. Write her at firstname.lastname@example.org- all emails stay confidential. Today, Gynomite takes on being someone’s parent/lover.
My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year, and I love her. We get along great, but I feel like I’m kinda running her life at this point. She never remembers to pay her bills, or take lunch with her, or do laundry, and I end up doing all this stuff for her. Not paying for her bills, just literally opening her mail and getting stuff organized. And she sometimes gets too drunk when we’re out together and I have to get her home safe. We don’t live together but I think she wants to move in together soon. I love her but I don’t think this is fair to me. What do I do?
Oh my, you are in a pickle. In my previous life in North Carolina, I worked with mainly children and their parents, and I became pretty well-versed in parenting skills. So let me impart some of them onto you now, because you have effectively become this girl’s daddy.
There was a great article in the New York Post by Mandy Stadtmiller yesterday about some recent research on happiness. No one really talks much about the concept of happiness until someone publishes a study about just how little of it we have. This study was especially difficult to swallow, because it showed that women’s happiness has been in a steady decline for the last 35 years, whereas men’s happiness has been increasing.
I often hear people refer to their past relationships, and the people they were in relationships with, using words like “psycho”, and it always makes me wonder how time has colored their impressions of those relationships. Because really, if you keep getting in relationships with psychos/assholes/cheaters, aren’t you really just shitty at picking mates? Is it that the person was actually an asshole, or did the relationship just sour? So today’s emotional assignment is to go back through your adult romantic relationships and figure out something you’ve learned from each of them.