Sit back and CHILL
In 1999, a little movie was made called Chill Factor. Even as a silly naive 20 year old, I remember thinking it was the dumbest premise of a movie I’d ever heard, so I thought I’d make you all remember it too.
Here’s Wikipedia’s dead-eyed synopsis of the plot:
Two mismatched men, Arlo (Cuba Gooding Jr,) an Ice Cream truck driver, and Tim (Skeet Ulrich), a short order cook, are forced to team up, and get on each others nerves, when through a series of circumstances they find themselves in possession of a top-secret bio-warfare weapon. The weapon detonates with enormous force when heated to only 50 degrees.
I feel like they literally just put a handful of words into a bag and pulled them out, Mad Libs style.
What happens when a ___zoo keeper___ and a ___customer service representative___ happen upon a ___fiery dinosaur___ that will attack when it is too full of ____sunshine___?
Jump to see the trailer if you haven’t eaten yet today.
Name That Movie
This artist Paul Rogers does a thing called “Name That Movie” for a website called Drawger. I found him via Gerry Canavan, and now that we’ve cleared all of that up, it’s time to name these movies. Six drawings, done in sequence, no movie stars.
Ok, that one was easy. My two other favorites after the jump!
Awesome list. Nothing witty to say about it.
This is an amazing list of the 25 scariest moments in non-horror movies. It’s got the face melting scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark, the nightmare scene in Vertigo, Pyle’s suicide in Full Metal Jacket, the horrifying Altamont murder scene in Gimmie Shelter, the boat scene in Willy Wonka, etc and so on. It’s a good list, but even better, they have videos of every single scene.
After the jump, you’ll see my favorite terrifying scene from a non-horror movie (besides the entirety of E.T., which genuinely terrifies me).
Can Buy Me Melodrama
I loved the Patrick Dempsey movie “Can’t Buy Me Love” when I was a kid, and I guess I’ve become a bit more cynical, because I just watched the last 30 minutes of it, and holy lord is it melodramatic.
For your consideration, here is the cafeteria fight scene of “Can’t Buy Me Love”, which features Patrick Dempsey cursing, swelling violins, a baseball bat, impassioned pleas for us to be ourselves, and, I swear, a slow clap.
And now, a list of my favorite MAD Magazine movie parody titles.
Aladdin- A-Lad-Dim
American Pie- I’m Enterin’ Pie
Basic Instinct- Basically, It Stinks
Batman Forever- Buttman Fershlugginer
Casablanca- Casabonkers
Crocodile Dundee- Crock O’dull Dummee
Edward Scissorhands- Deadwood Scissorham
A Fistful of Dollars- A Fistful of Lasagna
Gremlins 2: The New Batch- Grimlins PTU! The New Botch
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider- Lotta Crotch: Bazoom Raider
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets- Harry Plodder and the Lamest of Sequels
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull- Inadiaper Jones and the Kingdom of the Creative Dry Spell
The Poseidon Adventure- The Poopsidedown Adventure
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut- Mouth Park: Piggish, Lamer & Uncouth
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles- Teen Rage Moolah Nitwit Turtles
Go here to see more more more!
A good time at the movies
We just watched the most awesome horror movie last night.
As I’ve gotten older, when I am deciding if I should go see a band play or go see a movie in the theater, I take the idea of spectacle into account. For bands, I’m not interested in watching four low self esteem/high talent kids ignoring the audience while playing their songs. For movies, I don’t need to see a quiet and harrowing emotional tale with other people. I want my bands to incorporate live horses (Of Montreal) and my movies to make me scream and wear 3D glasses (My Bloody Valentine). We call it “a good time at the movies”.
The movie we saw last night would have been a great example of a good time at the movies, if it had ever been able to be released in theaters.
Tyra’s So Mad She Didn’t Think of This for ANTM…
This fall, MOMA is going to be doing a retrospective on Tim Burton’s films, so Harper’s Bazaar decided to let Tim Burton create clothing and style a photo spread for this month’s issue. This is fairly perfect, since Tim Burton’s movies have, as of late, been more appropriately viewed as stills rather than moving, talking, horrible song-filled pieces of cinema.
Like this.
More gorgeousness after the cut, and sadly/gratefully, no Helena Bonham Carter…
Can someone tell Tim Burton that not EVERYTHING has to look like Edward Scissorhands or Jack Skellington?
After the jump is a short video of some of the concept sketches that Tim Burton made when he was delusionally thinking of making a Superman movie. The sketches are followed by a TEST SHOT OF NICOLAS FUCKING CAGE AS SUPERMAN.
Maybe we should all appreciate Superman Returns a little more.
(From my favorite nerd and the love of my life, Kumail, via his lifeblood, the Chud site.
Can casting directors predict the future? Let’s find out.
David Moscow, the kid who makes a wish to be big in the movie “Big” and gets the wish granted, is now 34, the age Tom Hanks was when he played the adult version of David Moscow.
Follow me?
So I wanted to see if the adult version of David Moscow ended up looking anything like Tom Hanks at 34.
So here's Tom Hanks as an adult David Moscow...
