Ask Gynomite!
Gynomite is a licensed therapist in 2 1/2 states and she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas. Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential. Today, Gynomite takes on men who hate PDA.
I’ve been dating a guy for a few months, and everything is going really well, except that he refuses to show me any affection in public. At first I was fine with it, but it’s starting to bug me more and more. The most he’ll “allow” is me resting my head on his shoulder during a movie, but there’s no hand holding, no drunken makeouts at bars, no squeezing my knee at parties, nothing. Everything else is going really well, but this has become a weird sore spot between the two of us, and sometimes I’ll attempt a kiss in public even though I know it’ll start weirdness between us. I just want to kiss him! Help!
Ahhh, this is definitely a proceed with caution situation, but one that can be easily solved.
Gynomite asks you.
I am working on a thing that will either be featured here or at Lemondrop, and I was looking for some feedback. Here’s the question:
What do you wish you knew about your partner before you fell in love with him/her?
I was talking to a friend a few days ago who has a girlfriend that refuses to use metal silverware. She doesn’t think anyone cleans them well enough, and brings her own plastic utensils everywhere she goes.
This guy is completely in love with this girl and insists that everything else about her is perfect. He wasn’t even complaining about this quirk in his girl, it just came up in conversation. Now, you can argue (as I thought about doing) that such a rigid and odd “quirk” could be an indicator of deeper control issues, but whatever, he didn’t ask for my advice. But it made me think of all the fun quirks we do find out about in the people we love, and I thought it might be fun to write a little homage to those quirks, the ones that had you seen on the first date, you might have thought twice, but now you’re in too deep to turn back.
I love love.
So comment and tell me what you wish you knew before you fell in love, or if you’re shy, email askgynomite@gmail.com.
Ask Gynomite!
Gynomite is a licensed therapist in 2 1/2 states and she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas. Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential. Today, Gynomite takes on figuring out where you stand with a man.
I’ve been seeing someone casually for a few months now, but I’m not sure where we stand. I like him, and I want to ask him where he sees this going, but I’m also concerned about putting too much pressure on him too soon. I’m also not sure if he’s seeing other people (or at least wants to keep that option open for now). I have been out with a few other people, but I don’t want that to blow up in my face if I learn he thinks we’ve reached a certain level of commitment already. I don’t actually really care if we keep it casual for now, but I just want to make sure we’re on the same page… without scaring him!
The last time I tried to have this talk with someone, he freaked out and ran away kicking and screaming, so I’m just trying to avoid making the same mistakes.
Oi…this is a question as old as the hills, and a good one at that.
GuySpeak/GirlSpeak
The wonderful amazing folk over at Lemondrop have been so kind as to give me a weekly column with them, starting this week!! It’s called GuySpeak/GirlSpeak, and my job is to present the advice given by the men over at GuySpeak to women who write in with questions and then agree or disagree with it, throwing in my own two vagina-possessing cents.
Fun!
Go here to read the first column, which is about this:
Let’s take an inventory, shall we?
Rich Santos over at Marie Claire wrote a piece about whether or not women should stay with men who screw up. I like it both because it’s from the perspective of a man who purports to be a “good guy” watching women stay with shitty men, and because it’s a nice definitive list. Men are much more black and white thinkers than women, and while I usually think of that as a disadvantage, I think sometimes it’s good to have some hard and fast rules.
Ask Gynomite!
Gynomite is a licensed therapist in 2 1/2 states and she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas. Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential. Today, Gynomite takes on getting over a breakup.
My boyfriend and I broke up about two weeks ago, and I just can’t seem to get over him. We dated for like, 3 months, which I know doesn’t seem like a long time, but I really really liked him, and I just can’t work up the effort to go on normally. I’m not wearing makeup, I’m not going out, I just go to work, go home, and sulk. How do I get over this guy?
This is a fantastic question. Since you asked just about how to get over someone and now how to get someone back, I’m only going to address the work you need to do with yourself to feel like yourself again.
5 Dating Mistakes We’ve All Made
For once, I’m reposting a Lemondrop link that is not my own! Erin Donnelly wrote a great piece on the top five dating mistakes we all make, and I just think everyone should read it. See if these sound familiar, and then click it up!
- Adopting a loser mentality
- Picking fights
- Dating for the sake of dating
- Having bad manners (<– a great one I never considered)
- Being a downer
Ask Gynomite!
Gynomite is a licensed therapist in 2 1/2 states and she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas. Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential. Today, Gynomite takes on being someone’s parent/lover.
My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year, and I love her. We get along great, but I feel like I’m kinda running her life at this point. She never remembers to pay her bills, or take lunch with her, or do laundry, and I end up doing all this stuff for her. Not paying for her bills, just literally opening her mail and getting stuff organized. And she sometimes gets too drunk when we’re out together and I have to get her home safe. We don’t live together but I think she wants to move in together soon. I love her but I don’t think this is fair to me. What do I do?
Oh my, you are in a pickle. In my previous life in North Carolina, I worked with mainly children and their parents, and I became pretty well-versed in parenting skills. So let me impart some of them onto you now, because you have effectively become this girl’s daddy.
Ask Gynomite!
Gynomite is a licensed therapist in 2 1/2 states and she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas. Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential. Today, Gynomite takes on boyfriends of BFF’s that hit on you.
Last night I was out with a few friends, including my best friend and her boyfriend of 5 or 6 months. I have a boyfriend but he wasn’t out with us. I went outside for a cigarette with my best friend’s boyfriend at some point in the night and he told me that he was attracted to me and wished that we were both single so we could hook up. I kinda laughed it off, but he seemed pretty serious about it. Do I tell my BFF?
In a word, yes.
