The most important thing I ever learned.

October 6, 2010 at 2:52 pm (psychology, relationships, Uncategorized) (, , )

Disclaimer: I hope this doesn’t come off sounding pretentious.

I was in grad school for 2 1/2 years, in classes/workshops/internships/practicum constantly, and in all that time, I would say that the most important skill I learned was empathy.

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Ask Gynomite!

July 21, 2010 at 6:27 pm (ask gynomite, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

In her former life, Emily “Gynomite” Gordon was a couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states.  In this life, she’s a freelance fighter of your emotional woes.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  You can also check her out on her weekly advice column over at Lemondrop.  Today, Gynomite takes on when the sex is good but everything else is bad.

I’ve been dating this guy for about 8 months, and honestly, it’s a pretty lame relationship.  At first we got along totally great, but we quickly went from being flirty and having fun to either ignoring or snapping at each other.  I have stuck around because I love him, and also because for the first time ever, I have a great sex life.  Every time we fight we end up having sex, and it’s always passionate and mindblowing and amazing.  That’s worth sticking around for, right?

Wow, good question.  Here’s what I will say: while it’s tough to have a good relationship without a good sex life (thanks Mom!), it is totally possible to have a horrible relationship with a good sex life.  And this is what you have.  The question is, what does it mean?

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Ask Gynomite!

May 31, 2010 at 7:22 am (ask gynomite) (, , , , , )

In her former life, Emily “Gynomite” Gordon was a couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states.  In this life, she’s a freelance fighter of your emotional woes.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  You can also check her out on her weekly column over at Lemondrop.  Today, Gynomite takes on gaining insight and making changes, or something like that…

I have this friend who is always making sweeping changes in her life (like deciding she wanted to run a marathon and then dropping it), and is always having all these epiphanies about herself that she calls life changing, but nothing ever really changes.  She just gets philosophical for a few days and then is back to normal.  I don’t know what question I’m asking, but I’m tired of it.  I guess…do I have to put up with it or can I tell her she’s being stupid?

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Ask Gynomite!

May 17, 2010 at 2:07 pm (ask gynomite, New York, Uncategorized) (, , , , )

In her former life, Emily “Gynomite” Gordon was a couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states.  In this life, she’s a freelance fighter of your emotional woes.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  You can also check her out on her weekly column over at Lemondrop.  Today, Gynomite takes on safety in the big city.

This is not really a crazy person or relationship question, but I just moved to New York about a month ago, and this place terrifies me.  I live in an ok neighborhood, but do you have any tips on how a girl can keep herself safe in a big city?

I went through the same feelings when I moved here too, and it’s more of a mental health question than you might think!

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Ask Gynomite!

April 1, 2010 at 11:13 am (ask gynomite, Uncategorized) (, , , , )

In her former life, Emily “Gynomite” Gordon was a couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states.  In this life, she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  You can also check her out on her weekly column over at Lemondrop.  Today, Gynomite takes on boss problems.

I have a problem. I have been working at a new job for about 7 months. I LOVE the challenges this job presents.  My boss, however, is another story. She is a micro-manager. She has 5 children, inherited the business from her mother, and is committed to being a good mom, but not so committed to the company. That’s great, if she would just hire someone to RUN the company. She will “pop in” and interfere with everyone’s projects, hold everything up, and then disappear for a couple days. She brings her toddlers into meetings, she will completely miss meetings without a call or an email. Most days we have no idea if she will be in or not. She places unreasonable deadlines on us because she has no idea how to run ANYTHING.

The company is too small to me to go elsewhere here. I think the problem is, I do not respect her, at all. I like the job, but I can’t stand the way she is running things into the ground. She bottlenecks all processes, she reminds me of the Red Queen in Alice in Wonderland – “Off with his head” as soon as anyone upsets her. She is utterly ridiculous. I am used to people who work hard, people I respect and admire, people who are professional. She can barely make it to work by 1pm, yet she expects all of us to “clock in” by 9am. She screams and goes into tantrums in meetings and flies off the handle constantly.

What do I do?

Dealing with a boss who needs a boss can be very very tricky.  Tread carefully.

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Ask Gynomite!

March 5, 2010 at 8:22 am (ask gynomite, relationships, Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

In her former life, Emily “Gynomite” Gordon was a couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states.  In this life, she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  You can also check her out on her weekly column over at Lemondrop.  Today, Gynomite takes on the dregs of long term relationships.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about three years, and we live together, and in the past few months, everything he does just annoys the shit out of me.  I don’t want to break up with him because I love him, but seriously, I just want to tell him to shut up a lot of the time.  Is this normal for long relationships?

It is perfectly normal to feel annoyed by someone you’re spending your life with, absolutely.  But you’re going to have to fix your response to it.

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Ask Gynomite!

February 16, 2010 at 6:56 pm (ask gynomite, Uncategorized) (, , , )

In her former life, Emily “Gynomite” Gordon was a couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states.  In this life, she is a blogger that would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  You can also check her out on her weekly column over at Lemondrop.  Today, Gynomite takes on the disappearing date.

I am not the biggest fan of long distance relationship but I came across this charming lady and we have been talking to each other since october. We would exchange occasional text messages and speak for hours on the phone at least once a week.
Then last week I made a hike to her town to catch up with her over lunch and we had a great time. I haven’t heard back from her since. I sent her a text while on a work trip in TX a couple days back but still no response.
And now I am facing the dilemma of trying to figure out what’s the story. I wouldn’t mind hearing an expression of disinterest, I can take a no, but how do I get any response from her?
Thoughts, suggestions, ideas?

Ugh, this is always a lame situation, and I’m sorry that you’re having to become a low level psychic.  Let’s discuss.

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Ask Gynomite!

February 10, 2010 at 8:23 pm (ask gynomite) (, , , , , , )

In her former life, Emily “Gynomite” Gordon was a couples and family therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states.  In this life, she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  You can also check her out on her weekly column over at Lemondrop.  Today, Gynomite takes on drama in a relationship that’s grown stale.

I live with my boyfriend, and for the past year almost, our relationship has just been lame.  We don’t fight that much, but I’m not happy being with him anymore, and I don’t think he’s happy being with me either.  It’s just joyless and boring in our house, and I want to leave him, but it seems stupid because he’s not a bad man.  Now this was all true before “Lyle” showed up.  Lyle is a college buddy of mine that recently moved to the same town I live in, and for whatever reason, I am ridiculously attracted to him.  I’m pretty sure he’s attracted to me too.  We’ve never hooked up, back then or now, and I am not a cheater, but I want this guy so bad I can’t stand it.  Is wanting to cheat a sign that I have to get out of this relationship?

Wow.  A lot going on here.  Since you didn’t ask what to do about the current relationship you are still in, I won’t address it either, until I do.

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Tales from the wilderness therapist’s chair

February 9, 2010 at 7:33 pm (my life, tales from the therapist's chair) (, , , , )

My first job post-grad school was working as a therapist at a wilderness camp for troubled adolescent boys. I showed up for the interview at the camp in my “I’m a grownup” suit and heels, and was immediately introduced to the campus dog Murray.  You’re always going to feel a bit overdressed meeting a dog in a business suit. I got the job and learned my lesson, and for the next year, dressed as if I was on a break from painting my house, or perhaps about to play some touch football. The last thing you want to do with emotionally troubled teenage boys with no outlets for their sexuality is wear form-fitting clothes.

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Ask Gynomite!

January 20, 2010 at 9:40 am (ask gynomite) (, , , )

Gynomite is a real live therapist licensed in 2 1/2 states (seriously!) and she would love to take a crack at your emotional dilemmas.  Write her at askgynomite@gmail.com- all emails stay confidential.  You can also check her out on her weekly column over at Lemondrop.  Today, Gynomite takes on people who tell it like it is.

People tell me a lot that I am too harsh and say things that are mean to others, but I feel like I am surrounded by passive people, and maybe I’m the only one willing to be assertive.  It sounds cheesy to say that I tell it like it is, but I do.  Is it bad to call things out in other people that you notice or to not let yourself get taken advantage of?

Alright, let’s dig in with this tiny amount of information you’ve given me.

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